PJs..... 4 u

A scientist disconnected his doorbell.......

can u guess why???



try think!!!



donno???







cuz he wanted to win the No-bell prize!!!!!!!!!!



Q: Who is the only Aussie cricketer who always smiles,even if he is declared out???





A: Hussey..............







Moving further.......





Q: What did the policeman say when he arrested Hussey???







A: Hussey to phasi!!!!





ship tha..jisme bahut saare log the...usme ek chor bhi tha..

ship iceberg se takra gayi or sab dhub gaye ...sirf chor bacch gaya





batao kaise?









kyun ki chor ki daadhi me tinka tha..

dhubte hue ko tinka ka sahara mil gaya...or chor bachh gaya






Ek Kana Ladka Kisi ladki ko Propose kare to kaun sa gana Gayega??????????????????????









Ek Nazar se b Pyar Hota hai Maine suna Hai............................................






Highly complicated PJ
Q.wat wud an angrez say to his Anpadh indian naukar if he wants him 2 open the door!!A."There Was A Cold Day "(say it fast)




colour of frequency
what is the colour of frequency??









Purple

how ??











frequency ka unit hai Hz u can write it as 1/sec

i.e. par second in hindi second is also caled as pal

therefore............PARPAL




Sholay movie mai kis ka double role tha .???













King George
how ??







coin ke dono side rehta hai



according to movie Sholay who is son of lion....









HOLI...



how ??...





Gabbar bolta hai naholi cub haicub hai holi(cub)

Leave Applications continued.....

See, how people write leave Applications.

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It.

The Leave Applications

An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.”

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

ufff......... my wife..!!

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. -Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -Milton Berle

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,"There waswater in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?"She replied,”In the lake." -Henny Youngman

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.-Henny Youngman

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, Iwas a fool when I married you."The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge thanto let him keep her.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like tointerrupt her.

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not toreport it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much doesit costto get married?"The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire.""And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend."A billionaire." she replied,

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life Thinking they had no faults at all.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wifecan spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask forwhatever he wants,but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared formarriage.They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Have some fun frndzzzz

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[7] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[8] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[9] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[10] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[11] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[12] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[13] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[14] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[15] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[16] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[17] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[18] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[19] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[20] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[21]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[22]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[23]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[24]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[25]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Amazing India

Something to be Really Proud about India

We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than the whites and the natives.There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). YET, 38% of doctors in USA are Indians.12% scientists in USA are Indians.36% of NASA scientists are Indians.34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.28% of IBM employees are Indians.17% of INTEL scientists are Indians. 13% of XEROX employees are Indians.

Q. Who is the co-founder of Sun Microsystems?
Ans. Vinod Khosla

Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no Introduction as 90% of the today's computers run on it)?
Ans. Vinod Dahm

Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail Is world's No.1 web based email program)?
Ans. Sabeer Bhatia

Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such As C, C++, Unix to name a few)?
Ans. Arun Netravalli

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
Ans. Rajiv Gupta

Q. Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) Of Windows 2000,responsible to iron out all initial problems?
Ans. Sanjay Tejwrika

Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?
Ans. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.

Some of the following facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a German magazine, which deals with... WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA..

1. India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.

2. India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

3. The world's first University was established in Takshashila in 700BC.More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 Subjects.The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was One of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

4. According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable Language for computer software.

5. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.

6. Although western media portray modern images of India as poverty Striken and underdeveloped through political corruption, India wasOnce the richest empire on earth.

7. The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The Very word "Navigation" is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.

8. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the Concept of what is now known as the Pythagorean Theorem.British scholarsHave last year (1999) officially published that Budhayan's works dates to The 6th Century which is long before the European mathematicians.

9. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations Were by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; the largest numbers the GreeksAnd the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used numbers as big as 1053.

10. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India Was the only source of diamonds to the world.

11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion Amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communication was Professor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

12. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

13. Chess was invented in India.

14. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract,Fractures and urinary stones. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India.

15. When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley(Indus Valley Civilisation) .

16. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

Quotes about India.

We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.

Albert Einstein.

India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition.

Mark Twain.

If there is one place on the face of earth where all dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India.

French scholar Romain Rolland.

India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.

Hu Shih (former Chinese ambassador to USA)

Strange But True

Most lipstick contains fish scales!

A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood!

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons!

A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!

Dolphins sleep with one eye open! Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card!

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off!

The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!

Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!

Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia!

The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders!

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum!

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

Clinophobia is the fear of beds!

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old!

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.!

It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

Spades - King David , Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne , Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. - All invented by women.

This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Honey

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Humor From Great Minds

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... "
Sir Norman Wisdom

" One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
Edgar Watson Howe Doug Larson

"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! "
Eric Bolton

" When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
Erno Philips

" I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. "
Robert Paul

" We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. "
Phyllis Diller

" Laughter is the closest distance between two people. "
Victor Borge

"Start every day with a smile and get it over with. "
W.C. Fields

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! "
" Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
Will Rogers

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. "
Mickey Rooney

" Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. "
Tim Allen

"If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. "
Rita Rudner "

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
Woody Allen

" Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Erica Jong

"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. "
Elbert Hubbard

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. "
Wendell Johnson "

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
Joey Adams

" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. " Henry Youngman

"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ? "
Benny Hill