ufff......... my wife..!!

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. -Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -Milton Berle

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,"There waswater in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?"She replied,”In the lake." -Henny Youngman

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.-Henny Youngman

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, Iwas a fool when I married you."The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge thanto let him keep her.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like tointerrupt her.

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not toreport it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much doesit costto get married?"The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire.""And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend."A billionaire." she replied,

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men.It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life Thinking they had no faults at all.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wifecan spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask forwhatever he wants,but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared formarriage.They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Have some fun frndzzzz

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[7] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[8] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[9] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[10] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[11] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[12] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[13] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[14] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[15] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[16] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[17] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[18] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[19] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[20] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[21]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[22]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[23]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[24]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[25]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Humor From Great Minds

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... "
Sir Norman Wisdom

" One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
Edgar Watson Howe Doug Larson

"A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! "
Eric Bolton

" When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
Erno Philips

" I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. "
Robert Paul

" We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. "
Phyllis Diller

" Laughter is the closest distance between two people. "
Victor Borge

"Start every day with a smile and get it over with. "
W.C. Fields

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! "
" Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
Will Rogers

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. "
Mickey Rooney

" Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. "
Tim Allen

"If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. "
Rita Rudner "

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
Woody Allen

" Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
Erica Jong

"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. "
Elbert Hubbard

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. "
Wendell Johnson "

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
Joey Adams

" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. " Henry Youngman

"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ? "
Benny Hill